wild with hope (lissie_pissie) wrote in alchemic_dreams,
wild with hope

[VID] This Life - Cuddy

I'd like to start this post by saying thank you to those of you who have been asking about the possibility of new videos lately, especially this week. I don't know if it's because we're nearing the end of the season or what, but it seemed to come at me from a lot of different directions, and it wasn't until people mentioned it that I realized just how long it's actually been since I've put a video out. It really upset me when I looked at dates - 6 months is disgusting. So thank you for still being interested, even in spite of my unintended/unintentional hiatus, and thank you for bringing it to my attention because it was really inspiring. Also, HUGE thank you to januarynineteen, who was not only an amazing cheerleader, but also so completely willing to help me with whatever audio I needed - she was right on top of it. She said she didn't want me to be limited in my creativity, and that meant the world to me. So thank you so much for everything.

I loved making this one because it was so effortless. Don't get me wrong, it took work and tears, but I was never short on plans or things to say about this idea, is what I mean. There are some videos that I start to struggle with about halfway through - trying to organize, fill in, communicate effectively what's going on in my head - and then there are some that just flow as if I'm not even here. It just fell right out of me, so quickly. If making this video was a conversation, I was speaking three words at a time. I always feel odd when I can make a whole video in one or two days. It makes me feel like I'm not pushing hard enough, because normally they take weeks and weeks. But I had a beautiful time with this, I felt a lot of love, I felt so much of her and what she's been through, and that's another reason I love editing so much - it's like I get to spend time with people I love, who, because they don't belong to my corporeal world, I will never get to be in a room with. So I make a room, each video is a room.

(click for youtube link)

you give me hope, in spite of everything,
you show me love, even in so much pain
so i'll take this life,
and live like i've
been given another try.

.MOV - 32MB | iPod - 5MB

In honor of Mothers Day. ♥ ♥ ♥ I choose to see Cuddy as a literal angel of sorts to lost, sick, or abandoned children, and I'm torn up about how despite her grace, she struggles so badly to become a mother herself. I've seen it in real-life, too - the women who are so beautiful to kids seem to be the ones who are denied having them (while some of the most unfit parents to ever walk the earth have several). It's something that's always bothered me, so that's what this video does - juxtaposes her grace, love, and care towards other children, with her own sadness and desire to get pregnant or have a child of her own. Set to "You Give Me Hope" by Ryan Kirkland.

Notes & Commentary
0:20 - Setting up the contrast. The photo of her is how she's seen by these mothers on the outside - this shining bit of life-saving hope who pulls them through. But behind the scenes, she's hurt and alone, full of want for something she has to look at every day but cannot have herself.

0:27 - "have such strength." I love this scene because she's so frantic and empowered and non-stop, fighting so hard to save Emma's baby even though she's being told it's impossible.

0:33 - one of my favorites, I think, and when I went into this, I had only really intended to look at the babies from Joy To The World and most recently, Lockdown, but there was just so much more to tie in. What I love about this shot (and some you'll see later), is that it shows how she is willing to do anything for these kids, and she doesn't even think about it. She just goes. She just acts. She talks about how she doesn't have the instruction book imprinted on her genes, but that's what it is. And that's what she doesn't understand. She does so completely have what it takes - she always has. "you make the best of everything."

0:46 - If I had to pick one shot to sum up the storyline of this video, this would be it. She shows love even in so much pain, these two ideas RIGHT after each other within seconds, it so completely encapsulates the message of this. She experiences both sides of this constantly and simultaneously.

0:51 - the look of determination on her face. I cut it over the patient's dialogue to kind of say, "you couldn't do anything, but maybe I can, and I'm going to try." And in the next shot, she does.

0:57 - "I saved a life." ♥. Next shot is the aforementioned life that she saved. And I wanted to show that Cuddy doesn't let her own sadness get in the way of her happiness for other people, or her pride in her ability to save these lives and make these differences.

1:03 - personal favorite. And again, shift in her emotion occurs within seconds of the same scene. I can honestly say I had no idea just how much she actually has had to go through until I sat down with this.

1:13 - "you help me find faith." she is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

1:19 - I literally almost cried (ridiculous) when I saw that this shot was a thumbnail option because it is my favorite shot. This scene, her eyes, the way she walks, everything, she's so scared but that doesn't matter because as far as she's concerned, it's not even a choice to be in this dangerous place looking for this lost baby.

1:29 - I originally had this in color by my god, I desaturated it just to look and it became so breathtaking to me that I had to leave it.

1:45 - I zoomed in on this shot to show her beautiful vulnerability. She's strong and she's a fighter and she's constantly putting herself on the line for these children, but at the same time, there's a quietness to her that results from being so alone.

1:57 - "sometimes .1 is bigger than 9.9..." Throughout the whole video, she was repeatedly knocked down (I didn't even touch on the Joy loss in this commentary even though it was present in the video - I figured it'd be obvious), always so close but never getting there. At that point, I'm sure it felt to her like there'd only ever be a .1 chance of her being a mother, of having that form of happiness. But then everything she's put in is given back to her in the form of Rachel, a child that was left for dead, that she herself saved. Her improbable .1 became a reality (just as it did for Emma when Cuddy saved her & her son), and it's so much bigger than 9.9 &hearts

♥ as always, I'd love your thoughts. ♥
♥ ♥ ♥

AND. IMPORTANT: I have embedding turned on. I only ask that if you do embed this somewhere (like fanpop), you link me to it, just so I know and am able to check on it and see how it's doing. ♥ Feel free to do so, that's all I ask.

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Tags: - videos, house md, house md video, house md video; character - cuddy
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