wild with hope (lissie_pissie) wrote in alchemic_dreams,
wild with hope

[VID] (un)certainty - S6 Finale; House/Cuddy

This is harder to release than most, not because I'm not ready to let it go, but because it's still sinking in, all of it, so it's like I almost I don't even fully get it, like I don't know what quite to write in any of these spaces. I suppose it's okay, since I feel like this video can speak for itself (I'll do some commentary anyway), but god. God. It felt so good to get this out of my system. I'm reluctant to use that phrasing because it could imply that I didn't care or that I didn't put in very much effort, both of which would be lies. I just mean that when the finale happened, right when it ended, I had SO much to say and not enough hands and time and programs to say it all at once. So just having this done takes a huge amount of internal pressure off because I was literally bursting at the seams. I still am. I still have so many things to say by way of art. But it's a lot better now that I've at least said one of the many. ♥

(click for youtube link)

.MOV - 45MB | iPod - 7MB

A House/Cuddy (♥ ♥ ♥) video that recaps the finale and also doubles as a minor House character study. It takes a look into his past and his pain, surrounding his leg, his addiction, and (his) Cuddy. It's all thrown together - is he certain about the wrong things? Right to be uncertain about others? Which goes with which? Set to "Uncertainty" by The Fray.

Notes & Commentary
I'll start with the song. I don't even know how to explain the concept that's floating around in my head (again, it's too new). But I'll try. I chose it because they went from uncertainty to certainty in a matter of minutes, which is why I have "un" in parentheses - that is what the entire episode deals with: certainty vs uncertainty. House's uncertainty and confusion as to why he can "do everything right" and "have her die anyway", his uncertainty about how different things would be if he'd have chosen to amputate his own leg, and then add Cuddy on top of that. His certainty that something is wrong with her other relationship, when really she "doesn't love him", sparking new uncertainty. And then there's Cuddy - her uncertainty about her being stuck, and what that means for her and her other functional relationships if she's certain of her love for "the most screwed up person in the world".

On a technical note, this one was new to me in the fact that I decided not to limit myself to just color correcting filters. I had a few different layers of color and masking on top of everything as well this time, because I felt like this episode and this theme/subject just needed a completely different look than the stuff I've done in the past. I tried to achieve it with the same filters that I always use, but it was not possible - it was SO grainy and gross, I had to try something different. So this video was quite demanding in that way but I came to find that I like that technique a lot (even though it was a pain to figure out).

OKAY. Start. ♥

0:15 - "i just need to know if you and i can work" - "uncertainty is killing me..." We have the theme right from the get-go. And then you have House, who thinks that Cuddy's just moving in with somebody, he has no idea she's engaged. Nothing's set, nobody here knows what the hell is truly going on, or why things have to be the way that they are.

0:48 - leg on "place". The last place he wants to be is his pain, which we later see in here when he says he wishes he'd have chosen differently. He uses this wisdom in the next shot, when he tells Hanna to amputate her leg.

0:51 - shift to Cuddy, who, up to this point, had no idea he regretted his decision so badly, had no idea he fully does understand how much this has changed him, and had no idea he could ever be mature enough and selfless enough to advise someone against making the same mistake (even if doing so meant he would have to give in and side with Cuddy, which he never, ever does). "there is so much we don't know..."

1:01 - this is probably my personal favorite part. "i don't believe in God" over that shot of Cuddy, it ties into the whole thing about him trying and trying and trying this year and not having it make any sort of difference. If God existed, he wouldn't let that happen. House has reasons for his faithlessness, and a big one is staring him right in the face. And then "i don't either" - I wanted to imply that Cuddy was thinking it too, because she's in the same boat. If God existed, he wouldn't let her be stuck on somebody like House, he wouldn't prevent her from finding happiness just because the person she's truly in love with is an unstable fuck up. But even in spite of those things, they still hope that (love) holds.

1:26 - I love this section. I think it emphasizes his point with the "what is this for?" as she screams. I just think about how difficult that must have been for him to do, to cut her leg off. But he did it, for her, and for Cuddy. She dies anyway. What is the point of making an effort and being a good person if it's just going to give you the same results? It actually gives him even worse results than he gets when he's a disobedient asshole. His patients rarely die when he screws around and doesn't listen and defies the laws & timing of medicine. But when he does everything right, he loses her. What IS it for? This section is him realizing that. Also, her scream on "what is this for" alludes to his own leg pain, wondering why it had to happen to him to a point where it'd damage him and all of his personal relationships so badly.

1:56 - "i don't know." Cuddy's uncertainty over whether or not he can ever be healthy enough long-term to sustain a decent relationship with her. He may not be - is she willing to try anyway? Cuddy knows and has known for a long time that nobody can change House. She's seeing now, though, that he's attempting to change himself, which makes all the difference. It allows her to give in to her uncertainties, she has enough to dare to hope.

1:56 - "there is so much we don't know...", tie-in to her "i don't know". I can't even. I can't even. Because they do know love, they've had it for years, but they don't know that love, the love that they're seeing, they've never allowed themselves to have that. And she knows that if he could fix himself, they could have that.

2:08 - "i'm in pain. every day." It goes so far beyond his leg & the vicodin.

2:18 - okay, Cuddy's little speech, "accept it, move on with your life, instead of making everyone miserable" - is she saying that to House or is she saying that to herself? She's telling him she doesn't love him in the hopes that he will back off - it'll make it easier for her to continue lying to herself if he's not so blatantly trying to pursue her, and then maybe she can delude herself into thinking she's happier with Lucas just because it's "easier". She also knows that this is making House miserable, that *she* is making him miserable (she's probably making Lucas miserable too because I'm sure he can tell that she's not all there in their relationship).

2:23 - I wanted this to represent House in relation to what Cuddy just said, how that must have felt to hear, metaphorical choking and shortness of breath.

2:43 - *SCREAMS*

2:46 - when I dropped "i love you" onto the timeline, I decided I wanted to cut to the moment she realized this truth to the point where she'd be okay accepting it (and even saying it out loud). I'm sure it's debatable but I'm pretty sure this was meant to be it.

2:53 - "i always thought if i did the right thing...", feeling for patients enough to hold their hand, dropping the vicodin ("nothing left"). Finally. I'm at a loss for words but there are so many in my head, if that makes sense. Maybe they'll come out next time, who knows. ♥ But this is the turnaround - he's spent the whole video thinking that nothing was worth it. He just didn't wait long enough. ♥

3:03 - "do you think that's how it works?" - this was enough to make me cry where it sits here, in the video's context. Because back then, when Hanna did actually say this, he basically said no, that's not how it works. But now, looking at Cuddy and her smile and feeling her and getting a shot at loving her, unafraid and certain, he knows the answer is yes - good things do happen when you try.

3:05 - "holding on..." House is certain that effort doesn't go unnoticed, Cuddy is certain that she loves him too much to truly be happy with someone else, and they are both certain that they're going to go for this, together. 'Til there's nothing left.

♥ as always, I'd love your thoughts. ♥
♥ ♥ ♥

AND. IMPORTANT: I have embedding turned on. I only ask that if you do embed this somewhere (like fanpop), you link me to it, just so I know and am able to check on it and see how it's doing. ♥ Feel free to do so, that's all I ask.

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Tags: - videos, house md, house md ship - house/cuddy, house md video, house md video; episodic, house md video; ship - house/cuddy
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